Sorry it took me so long to finish up posting about my trip. I could blame my extremely busy schedule or my full on exhaustion some days, but really I think I was a little scared about finalizing the journal pages. I struggle with the fact that, somehow, since I typed up the last words and wrapped up the last paragraphs, that I have closed my journal from Haiti forever. I don’t want to forget about my experiences. I don’t want to forget that feeling of deep sorrow or exhilarating joy while caring for people. I don’t want to forget what it was like to work with a team of people excited about what they are doing. I don’t want to forget what it was like to look into trusting eyes that, even though they couldn’t understand what I was saying, had complete faith in me. I don’t want to forget this two week journey that I took.
I’m not saying that what I do on a daily basis at work here in the USA isn’t fulfilling, but it’s different and ever since coming back I have found myself frustrated with petty arguments and selfishness that creeps up between co-workers. I am overwhelmed by our richness and availability of high-tech gadgets. I am exhausted by the indignant actions of people who act like they have something better to offer or are entitled to something more than someone else. I find myself getting angry over doing what is right and good instead of relshing in the fact that I can serve both my co-workers and the patients on my unit.
Recently my mom sent me an article that really hit home. It focused on Galatians 6:2-10 which says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load. One who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”
I am called to do what is good and what is right to everyone, not just to those whom I feel deserve it. It is my duty, my responsibility, as a Christian to act this way. I am still learning to “carry my own burdens”, but I must also help others along the way. If that means I stay a little later at work or I walk down the hall ten more times than actually necessary, then that’s what I have to do. The key will be to rely on my God to sustain me and give me the grace to handle it all with genuine servant hood.
As I’m writing this, I realize that I won’t forget Haiti. I have already been changed. Faces and specific memories may fade, but what I have learned will stick with me.