I recently saw a TV commercial that said something to the effect that our brains have 3000 thoughts a day. That blew me away. I wonder if new moms have more (or less) thoughts since we are up at all hours of the night? Or are our thoughts just conscious while the rest of the world “dreams” their thoughts?
That’s not really the point of this post. As I have been awake at all hours of the night, whether I’ve been praying or just thinking, many things have come to mind. I’d like to be as bold as to share some of them with you. And perhaps, as I have more thoughts/musings I will add additional blog posts. We’ll see.
1. Being a parent of a newborn is a privilege. Think of that! I have the privilege, especially as a breastfeeding mom, to serve my child. I am the sole source of nourishment for my child and for that I am required to serve my little one – I can either see it as a chore or a privilege. [For dads out there, there is plenty of serving for you to do too (not to worry!)]. Probably around 3 am it occurred to me that being a parent is a privilege. I am sure God was speaking that to me because I was most likely feeling sorry for myself (really, who wants to be up at that hour?!). What a difference this fresh mindset has given me!
2. For me, finding positivity in the middle of the night is the most difficult. I realized that at 2 am my positivity is paper thin (or perhaps non-existent?). Satan does his best work when we are weakest. And let me tell you, being already sleep deprived, waking up every few hours for feedings, and a crying baby (for seemingly no reason) tend to bring me pretty low and I can see where the Satan would find a foothold. BUT (and thank God for the “but”), all is not lost! Jesus Christ has overcome the devil! The victory is already won! So, when I find myself in this place I pray. Thank you, Jesus, for this reminder!
3. Being a parent has taught me more about my own selfishness than anything else in my life. Inevitably, when I want a nap, my little one is awake (wide awake!). Or when I want to get something done (say, do the taxes or update this blog), I’m interrupted. Or if I want some time to myself… well, you get it. It occurred to me that I am a selfish being. Yes, a new baby requires a certain amount of adjustment. I can’t be completely spontaneous. I can’t expect to finish a task without interruptions. I have someone much more important than myself to take care of now. There are many things that I will need to give up (or put aside). But when I look at my son it’s easy to do that. I am beginning to understand the meaning of selfless love.
4. The grace of God is overwhelming! Transitions are hard (see #3), but God’s grace is bigger. I am so thankful for my husband! God has given me more support and encouragement from him than I could have ever imagined. It’s quite amazing, really, that God is so gracious to me when I am so sinful a person. I don’t deserve any of this, yet I will continue to thank my God and count my blessings.
Hopefully there is more to come…